a new beginning

 assalamualaikum w.b.t...

a new beginning isn't the abscence of fear

it is choosing to move, even while your heart still lingers on the places it once called home

i didn't arrive here with all the answers..

only with a heart full of prayers,

a suitcase carrying pieces of yesterday,

and hope quietly tucked between them..

there is beauty in not knowing.

in allowing life to unfold before trying to understand it;

in trusting that even the roads we never planned

can lead us exactly where we're meant to be..

so here I am -

standing at the edge of another beginning,

grateful for what I've left,

curious about what's ahead,

and gently learning that faith often arrives

long before certainty does.

a new journey .

may it shape me kindly.

may it humble me deeply.

may it lead me exactly where Allah has written my name

till then, i'll keep walking

with faith before answers

with gratitude before understanding

with Allah before everything else

and when in doubt, say bismillah 🤍

xoxo,

yanie

from learning hands to healing one

assalamualaikum w.b.t...

-2017-

Malam ini, one of those rare quiet nights—

scrolling through threads, reading stories about the “toxic” side of healthcare..

And somehow…

it brought me back

to why I chose to stay

My path was once clear—

a diploma, a double degree..

a plan that made sense on paper.

But in between those steps,

I doubted.

I questioned my worth, my place, my ability.

Back in 2017, during my internship - at the same hospital where I later did my HO-ship - I was given a choice:

--continue in the lab, pursue master-PhD…

--or step into the wards

I chose the wards.

as I chose the clinical lane.

as  I wanted a future I could see myself living in - clinical works

I stayed close to home, too - hujan emas di negeri orang, lebih baik hujan batu di negeri sendiri.

And somehow… that felt right..

My role back then?

Not much different from a HO.

But I carried myself quietly as “just a student” - too tired to explain the whole double degree journey :D

And yes…

that was where I first met the “toxic” side of this field.

“I don’t like students. Not smart enough.”

“I don’t want anyone less than an MO during my rounds.”

“You don’t deserve to be in this OT.”

Words that came without warning,

without reason I could understand somemore

But somehow…

I chose to see differently.

whenever I was scolded - it reminded me that not everyone treated me that way..

whenever I was rejected - I found another door.

I still remember one senior MO saying,

“It’s okay… baru satu kan untuk today.”

And that was enough.

Alhamdulillah, it was enough.

along the way too —

I met souls that made everything lighter..

Even when they were tired,

they still chose kindness.

“Very good you chose this path..not many would.”

“Come back one day..we’ll work again as a team.”

“It’s never easy..but if you still have the passion, continue. We need people like you.”

Those words…

they stayed.

They grounded me.

They became reasons - when I almost didn’t have any.

Even now,

I may not find those same people again..

Some I’ve crossed paths with during my ho-ship..but I never said anything.

Never introduced myself.

Maybe I overthought it.

But every word, every moment - I still carry them, gently.

And perhaps, that’s why I’m still here..

Yes - there will always be toxic people, in every place, in every system.

But if I can be one of those who are not, if I can add even a little more kindness into this space, then staying - will always be worth it.

last few weeks i met one of those that i pernah jumpa waktu intern 

and he still recognized me - which i sangat2 terharu

"finally awak balik jugak sini..betul awak kata nak balik sini..saya ingat awak tak balik dah..dah sambung study ke, awak yg saya kenal dulu even kejap pun, awak jenis yang suka study..moga terus istiqamah study..continue je apa yang awak pernah cakap dulu tu..saya doa as a colleague, nanti ada rezeki kita jumpa again bila awak dh sp too"

and those short meeting, truly added another light in this lane..

moga kita semua dipertemukan dengan orang2 yang baik..moga yang tak sihat tu segera sihat..and moga kita direzekikan menjadi one of those yang tidak menambah gusar hati orang lain..

be nice .

be kind .

xoxo,

yanie

when the cold got colder

assalamualaikum w.b.t...

-somewhere-

Some sorrow become so familiar that they no longer look like melancholy at all

They begin to resemble habits

A quiet table in the corner of a café;

A cup held for too long;

A conversation avoided;

A smile given at the right time so nobody asks too many questions

There are people who know how to grieve loudly,

and there are others who learn how to make heartbreak look graceful

The second kind usually sits quietly beside untouched coffee

Not because the drink matters that much,

but because it becomes easier to hold a cup than to hold together everything unraveling inside the chest

So the coffee stays between both hands like a secret no one is supposed to read

And somehow, lately, even the cold coffee feels warmer these days

Warmer than certain conversations that slowly lost sincerity

Warmer than affection that changed its shape without explanation

Warmer than the silence left behind after giving too much of the heart to places that never intended to keep it safe

Perhaps that is why the coffee is never finished quickly anymore.

The ice melts first.

Then the foam disappears.

Then the bitterness settles quietly at the bottom, untouched.

Minutes stretch into hours while the cup remains half full, as though time itself is hesitating to move forward

From the outside, it only looks like someone enjoying a slow evening

Someone lost in thought

Someone tired after a long day

No one notices that the longer the coffee stays untouched,

the heavier the heart probably feels

No one notices how sadness often hides itself in ordinary things

In lingering too long before going home

In staring absentmindedly through café windows while pretending to admire the rain

In replaying songs only because they hurt in familiar ways

In letting drinks grow cold because swallowing emotions is already difficult enough

There is a certain loneliness that does not ask to be understood

It only asks for somewhere quiet to exist

And coffee has always been kind to that kind of sadness

It never interrupts

Never asks why the eyes seem distant

Never questions the silence

It simply waits there patiently, growing colder with every passing thought,

while the person holding it tries to survive another evening without letting the ache become visible

Sometimes the saddest people are not the ones crying openly

Sometimes they are the calmest ones in the room -

the ones who mastered the art of looking composed while quietly breaking apart underneath

The ones who keep saying “it’s okay” because explaining would take too much energy

The ones who laugh softly so nobody notices the exhaustion hidden beneath their voice

The ones who sit alone with coffee long enough for the entire café to change around them

And maybe that is the secret.

Maybe the untouched coffee was never just coffee at all..

Maybe it was a way of delaying the moment of going back to an empty feeling

A way of keeping the hands occupied while the heart struggled to stay steady

A small warmth to hold onto when everything else started feeling unbearably cold

So if someday there is a person sitting quietly before a cup long after the warmth has disappeared,

fingers still wrapped gently around it as though it contains something fragile - 

it may not mean they enjoy cold coffee

It may simply mean they are trying very hard not to let their longing be seen

xoxo,

yanie

HOship - medical posting - what to expect

 assalamualaikum w.b.t...

1st meal on day 1 at 2300H

its been sooo long since i last sharing kat sini..

after finish medschool and started my HO-ship rasanya i rarely mencurah disini :D

now me dah esok lusa nak start new journey ni, lemme share my 2cents of my HO journey here..

untuk kenangan diri sendiri and if anyone rasa nak baca sharing ehe

so,,,

my 1st posting as houseman was in medical department..

a department that i love waktu i intern (2017) as well as waktu i medical school

minat bukan sebab its easy, tapi ramai yang i jumpa baik2 in medical department..haha

even waktu i internship back in 2017 pun, i jumpa lots of nice people in medical department..

before anything, i would say that i sangat glad i dapat medical as my 1st posting :D

-----------

so, where should i begin >,< banyak nak share ni

i started my junior Dr journey at ward perempuan medical..

it was exciting + scary at the same time

before this as medical student selalunya tengok je Drs buat apa kan..kita tunggu nak sign cop je..

but the reality is now before my eyes..

in medical, leader ho yang akan divide duk ward mana, jaga cub mana etc..

and waktu my batch begin our posting tu actually tengah ada takde je ho..cukup, tapi tak ramai..cukup2 makan jela..takdela tak cukup sangat..

my 1st cubicle - acute cubicle

ada senior sorang situ, tapi senior pulak EL on my 1st day kerja tu..maka yeah..im all alone di acute cubicle 

tapi i asked another senior to come and guide me jugak..sebab acute cubicle, i dont wanna do anything 'not wise'on my day 1.. and i dont want to cari pasal with my superiors as well..prevention is better than cure remember?

so my 1st day i just review, sign cop medications je..still adapting to the system itself..

my day 2 - speed on top already..on day 2 dah start jaga cubicle sendiri2, and my 1st task was peritoneal tapping..my MO need to go to clinic that morning, and the only ho for that particular cubicle was me..so nak taknak i jela yang ada to settle all the active plan before tengah hari..

so begitulah..did my peritoneal tapping as 1st 'huge task'on day 2..

after that, takde apa dah alasan boleh bagi..buat je semua..the key is, buat je..under kewarasan maksima and be humble enough to ask if u dont know ofcourse..jangan memandai buat apa yang u pun unsure..

as for me, plus point a bit is, sebab most of the procedures i biasa buat waktu i intern back in 2017..so bila kena buat ituini, i just ingat balik back in 2017 je..alhamdulillah..

the hardest part is - to understand the system itself..what do's and donts..

u just came in a biggg company (kkm) which has different branch (hospitals)..and each branch ada rules dia masing2..

waktu medical school, u practical at different kind of hospital..rules in each pun lain2..so u will be confused by time nak buat anything tu eh tiber kena marah sebab salah ituini..

and that's where the kind senior is needed actually..

and im blessed with ramai kind seniors alhamdulillah..

what i disappointed the most is, bila kena marah out of nowhere without any input..

"u are wrong, but i dont wanna tell u which part, and what to do to make it correct"

begitulah umpamanya..

thats the most saddest part..

medical is a nice posting to begin ur housemanship..as u will learn most of the basic procedures here..

branula, ABG, blood cns, peritoneal tapping, cvl insertion, femoral catheter, artline, cpr, intubation etc2..everything ada sini..

oh lupa, i started my HO waktu bulan puasa..so, the struggle is kinda real..

tapi sebab busyyyyy maka puasa pun tak terasa sangat..sebab memang baseline tak sempat nak makan pun..so puasa je..

best part is - dapat makanan free (bayar, tapi sikit sangat kena bayar tu for the whole 1 month)

so everytime waktu buka puasa kitorang ambik foods kat pantry, makan ramai2..

tiberr ada yang collapsed, lari pun berjemaah to cpr pt..

bitterSweet memories indeed..

pernah sekali taksempat pun nak berbuka..pukul 8pm still lagi struggle duk cari vein edematous pt yang tengah unstable..sudahnya jam 12am baru balik..

yes, i balik jam 11pm paling awal waktu kat medical posting..

1st posting, tengah risau tertinggal kerja etc lagi..but sometimes memang the whole situation itself yang tak membenarkan to balik awal..serba salah, so stay je to complete kerja..balik just to shower, tidur kejap then bangun pergi kerja lagi..

there's a lot memories to share satu2..insyaAllah if sempat i share satu2 yang mana lekat di memori in another entry..

papepun, medical posting has its own soft spot to me..

the one that teach me on how to be a real Dr..

cc to my helpful seniors and superiors too..dalam 2,3 yang bagi upset tu, ramaii lagi yang sangat3 membantu alhamdulillah..

---------------

what to expect in medical posting as fresh grad Dr?

-u will be crying on how to understand the system itself, srsly..the hardest part of the growth is to understand the system..so inhale, learn slowly..dont expect to know everything in a day..u will understand, but not in a day.. take ur time..

-branula? okay je if takdapat awal2, sekali poke..we will always wanna do everything at one go.. if dapat on one try, alhamdulillah..if not, its normal..dapat pulak ur 1st pt is an edematous esrf pt..lagila kena be nice to urself <3

-other procedures? dont rush everything.. u will learn, u will get that opportunity..take ur time, takperlu gopoh..but always willing to learn

rate: 4/5

xoxo,

yanie

a shadow

 assalamualaikum w.b.t...

I love to be available all the time in peoples life; not as a person, but as a shadow

I don’t always need to be seen, or named, or remembered in bold letters..

I’ve never been drawn to the spotlight, never felt the need to take up space just to prove that I’m there..instead, I find comfort in the in-between - the soft, unnoticed places where presence doesn’t demand recognition..

I love to be available to everyone,

not as a person standing in front of them,

but as a shadow walking beside.

A shadow doesn’t ask to be acknowledged..

It doesn’t interrupt, doesn’t impose, doesn’t insist on being understood..

It simply stays - steady, quiet, constant..

Sometimes, being a shadow means listening more than speaking..it means holding space for someone’s chaos without trying to rearrange it.

It means showing up in the smallest ways - a message, a glance, a silent understanding - and letting that be enough..

There is a kind of love that isn’t loud.

A kind that doesn’t need grand gestures or visible proof..

It exists in the background, in the stillness, in the way you remain even when no one is looking.

And maybe that’s who I’ve become..

Not the voice people remember,

but the presence they felt when things were heavy..

Not the center of the story,

but the quiet line that held it together..

I don’t mind being unseen; more to i love to be unseen..

Because even shadows have their purpose -

they remind you that you are never truly alone 🤍

xoxo,

yanie

end of second journey

 assalamualaikum w.b.t...

finally..after years of journey, the second journey end 🤍

12 years

its not a short period of time..but i still remember the moment when i began my first step into the journey..it was in early 2011 - after sketching a bit here and there of the path i chose to walk on, i told umiabah first..yes, im not making the decision alone by being selfish as some claim..im the one who choose the number..not that im being forced; but neither im forcing my ego..i know its gonna be a long roller coaster journey even before i step into my decision..its not only about the long journey, there will be a lot of sacrifices as well..so, umiabah should be the first to know and say yes..

"umiabah redha tak?"

and that yes, was the biggest thing that gave me strength till date 🤍 in whichever situation, whatever decision i make along the journey as well, no matter how small it seems, those blessings was my strength..as His blessings come with my umiabah's blessings..so that when things got hard and harder, i know i will always have Him, my parents, and my family behind my back..

"He never put u in a path that does not belongs to u"

theres always time that make u kneeled, make u feel like u cant walk anymore..the world seems to be collapsed before ur eyes..but by believing that He always there for u, every steps to get up and started walking again, feels less heavy insyaAllah..always put Him first before everything..talk to Him, ask Him to make it firm for u when ur mind seems miserable and confused..

thankyou Allah, for lending me the strength 🤍

thankyou umiabah, for all those doa 🤍

thankyou my family,  for always believing in me 🤍 

and thankyou my dear self as well, for enduring so much of everything that only He knew and make it till the end 🤍

not everyone need to know the whole story of what u going through..some stories better left untold..enough that He knows..

we all have our own stories..the future is never certain, but as we live in the presence, lets appreciate the moments and never lose faith..

for those who still struggling, believe that your time will come..have faith, you will get through it, insyaAllah

xoxo,

yanie

after PRO3 - what to do?

 assalamualaikum w.b.t...

long time no seee..me enjoying so much of my time, ada plan nak menaip tapi kejap2 je datang mood tu..haha

so, after PRO3 - apa nak buat?

basically, banyak je boleh buat..depends your plan macamana..sini yanie list out what me and my friends mostly buat jela eh..

my friends ramai yang work after habis study..sementara tunggu result PRO3 keluar, ada yang start kerja, ada yang travel, ada yang duk rumah etc..

for me, sebab result tak keluar lagi, so i just duk rumah, appreciating the moments, belek2 notes (still) and doa banyak2..haha

sebab result tak keluar lagi, so macam scary sikit >.<

in between tu boleh study for preparation HO nanti..yes, jauh benar lagi perjalanan tu tapi sementara tak buat apa2 tu boleh la gilap2 sikit ilmu yang ada kann..

some of my friends start kerja..bab kerja ni tbh takde limitation pun..my friends work in varies kind of works..ada yang adi medical assistant, clinic assistant, salesperson, tourguide, cashier dan sebagainya..as long as you enjoy the work and tak overworked yourself, its okay..

and opinion regarding bekerja after habis exam ni pun lain orang lain pendapat dia..so again, depends on you..if you rasa you taknak kerja first, nak nikmati cuti, then you do you..bab ni boleh je gitu..as long as awak tak susahkan orang, just go on with yourself..

"nanti apa orang kata - tak kerja even dah habis study, jadi penganggur je"

tak perlu kisah pun apa dia nak kata tu..penat nanti dia diam la tu :D

conclusion is, bekerja or tak, it depends on you..and for me, i choose to tak kerja dulu..dah bertahun study kan..bagi la chance badan rehat sebelum start kerja hakiki..gituu

xoxo,

yanie

MBBS - berbaloi ke?

 assalamualaikum w.b.t...

alhamdulillah..after 11years of study..akhirnya, habis juga satu fasa kehidupan..

alhamdulillah too, all of us pass our pro 3 exam 🤍

5 years to be honest tak lama, tapi tak sekejap..rasa sekejap sebab kita akan enjoy study, enjoy hospital life, enjoy student life..tapi akan terasa lama and panjang sebab ada exam in between.. (me bukan peminat exam :p)

berbalik kepada soalan - berbaloi ke ambik mbbs?

the answer is inside you :)

sebab aim orang lain2..ada yang aim for kerja, ada yang aim for experience, ada yang aim for marriage, etc..so, soal berbaloi ke tidak tu depends what your aim is..

for me - berbaloi..sebab my aim was untuk timba ilmu banyak2, do double degree, fulfill my bucket list..im not someone yang focus on kerja awal or early marriage..so, berbaloi la..

bukanla nak cakap yang me tak study to work..it just that me nak study dulu puas2 baru work..kerja tu memang la - sape nak bayar hutang nanti kan? :D

but, will i recommend mbbs to all students?

- not really :D

why?

- sebab this course not depends on result semata2..sebabtu ada iv before can enroll..

- even if u dah lulus iv, have genius brain, tak semestinya medicine for u too..

- what most important is - minat

- yess..above anything, u need to minat this course..if not everything will be sia2..5years alone is a longgg journey..tambah lagi dengan year foundation/ stpm/ diploma/ etc..so if u tak minat, jangan teruskan..

- if u only like this course sebab tengok movie, or sebab stigma (markah excellent ambik medic) then jangan..

how to know minat ke tak if belum enroll?

- read, ask, istikharah..sekarang zaman dah maju, teknologi dah banyak berkembang..there's a lot of source boleh baca or tengok to know a bit about the course before enroll..so tengok, baca, tanya dulu..then if still tak sure, istikharah 🤍 jangan la baca part best2 je..cuba search a bit deeper into the course too..

bukanlah nak discourage anyone out there not to take medicine or seumpamanya..but this field is far from drama..yang ada kt tv smua best2..realitinya, hard to swallow a bit if u ada mindset this course is cool, beautiful only..

so nanti if u memang tak minat or terpaksa ambik, the world gonna feel like sangat unfair to u and ur future patients..tak berbaloi nk sweat and tears for so long tapi in the end u regret sebab tak enjoy..

but if memang dah hadam tiny bit of future reality, then just go on 🤍

to enter this field might be hard,

but to stay is even harder 🤍

may He ease everything for those that still thinking about getting into this 🤍

*************

if nak tanya anything can ask below 🤗

xoxo,

yanie

entering year 5 - what to prepare

 assalamualaikum w.b.t...

masyaAllahh lamaa betul tak menulis sini..

long time no see..hee..so today kita sambung again my long-lost entry..dah lama tulis draft dia tapi tak sambung2 lagi..

for year 5, basically barang2 yang wajib ada tu barang sama macam yang kita ada dari year1/ year3

barang2 harus ada:

- stethoscope

- pentorch

- tendon hammer

- tuning fork

- ruler

- measuring tape (make sure pakai yang tailor tu je..jangan beli yang ada tempat picit2 auto gulung tu..nanti dalam exam kena tolak markah)

- micropore 

me sharing these ikut my experience - as a post-pandemic student..so macam a bit different from previous2 batch..

as usual, we all begin dengan theory class - hybrid..

before kita go one by one, let me list out all the postings in year 5 (in msu)..

____________________________

year 5 ada 6 postings..

1) Orthopaedic

2) Emergency Medicine

3) Surgery

4) Internal Medicine

5) O&G

6) Paediatrics

sequence dia macam biasa - ikut batch..actually waktu our time tu dah slowly back to square dah..cuma ada tempat restricted, ada tempat can pergi..

so we were divided into 2 groups (A&B)

each group ada 22 students..and each group will go to different posting..means at one time akan ada one group jela kat satu2 posting tu..i was in group B (so rotation dia was as above)

strictness at the hospital, depends department..

1) Orthopaedic (4weeks)

- this posting was a good start..most probably easy start..it just macam terkejut sikit sebab dah lama tak ke hospital kan..

- apa je boleh buat kat hospital? - anything..as long as under supervision..so depends diri sendiri jugak..be proactive, ask to help etc insyaAllah dipermudahkan..

- all the staff kat this department very helpful..tak garang2 sangat..and semua membantu (a lot)

- kalau nak kata must-bring item ke hospital tu macam takde sangat..tendon hammer jela..tapi kat ward pun ada..so, bawa diri and brain je kot..tapi me and my friend bawak je stethoscope..dia macam habit..but we are usually on 'lucky side' sometimes..we did CPR kat ortho ward..which was rarely happened..so, bawak steth..

- BST format macam biasa jela (present case)

--> stress level: ***

2)Emergency Medicine (4weeks)

- this one was my most favorite posting! banyakkkkk sangat belajar kat posting ni..kat sini betul kena bawak steth :D sebab all the time pakai..

- tapi, format dia tak sama dengan lain2 posting..kt ED ada je temporary ward..but patient tukar2..so untuk BST usually ambik patient yang baru sampai..

- means kalau kat posting lain boleh ambik any patient sebab possibility patient tu ada kat ward by the time presenting case tu tinggi..kat ED cannot..cari case on the day of your turn untuk present cases tu..ambik from any zone takpe (nak selamat ambik red or yellow zone)..but not psych cases..bukan tak boleh, just not preferable.. 

- nak buat apa je kat ED? - seriously, banyakkkk sangat boleh buat kt ED..berbaik la dengan MA, and rajin2 la oncall..me slalu oncall waktu kat ED..by tengah malam patient makin ramai..so banyak la pengalaman sikit..

- stress level: **

3)Surgery (8weeks - tapi jadi 10 sebab ada 2weeks cuti)

- to be honest, if your rotation same with mine, bila masuk surgery dia jadi shock a bit..sebab dari ortho and ed, both macam leisure(?) posting..so bila masuk surgery jadi strict..for me la..tapi not in a bad way pun..

- kat surgery, depends sebenarnya you nak masuk ot ke tak..sebab kadang yang sempat masuk pun ELOT..nanti jadi lamaaa btul duk dalam tu (up to 12H)..kat ward pun dah boleh buat macam2, study macam2 dah..

- takde banyak sangat pun kena bawak kat surgery (but stethoscope is a must as student)

- stress level: ***

4)Internal Medicine (8weeks)

- this one, as how it was famous on, the most nervewrecking one..dia macam, you dont know what yu dont know or should know but you must know..but dont worry, you will get through it too <3

- stethoscope, neurokit, tendon hammer, bawak je smua..semua pakai nanti

overall stress level: *****

5)O&G (4weeks)

- this one, full of hormones..tak tau macamana nak explain..tapi dapat rasa la tegang tu..mungkin sebab dia banyak medicolegal punya cases kot so macam everyone must be very discipline..

- but so far yang me jumpa semua baik2 and sangat membantu alhamdulillah <3

- things to bring - pinard, steth, ruler, measuring tape

overall stress level: ****

6)Paediatrics (4weeks)

- this one, depends..if minat budak2 so this posting is for you..as for me, im not into budak2 sangat so macam, just go with the flow jela..

- tapi its fun..sebab boleh bagi toys kat budak2 tu..and borak dengan paeds patient kadang lagi mengisi jiwa <3

- things to bring - toyssssssssssss, steth

stress level: ****

__________

if ada anything yanie boleh tambah later yanie tambah..if anyone ada soalan sila2 la comment kat bawah..insyaAllah yanie reply :)

xoxo,

yanie

the care

 assalamualaikum wbt...

as im doing my pt's report, and just talked to my parents..and suddenly the feelings came in again..

once in a while, i question myself - is this exactly what i wanna do? is this exactly what i chose before? this pathway?

the answer to that, always yes and no..

yes, as im living on what i chose..no as its not exactly what i aim for..still working on it tho..

being in healthcare system is something that i always wanted to..to provide care for others, to be able to understand others..and to be able at least on understanding what is the meaning behind every medical term and numbers..

but at another point, taking care others doesn't simultaneously work with taking care of your loved ones..

you working hard to take care of others..while under different roof, your loved ones only able to talk to you through phone calls..

"i love you"

"take care"

the only two words that you can always ensure give to them..everyday if you lucky enough..

is it really what we want?

everytime those thoughts coming through, i will just pray to Him to take care of my loved ones..everytime i see elderly, its silently shredded my heart..it reminds me of my parents as well..

im glad that im still blessed with time to call back home..to know that my parents doing well etc..but at certain time, i just feel helpless and useless..

may one day im able to be near to them, taking care of them from closer distance..

its not me only, i believe..every healthcare workers also feels the same..so, may Allah ease everything for every each of us..

xoxo,

yanie

after DMS, which one is better path?

 assalamualaikum w.b.t...

been asked quite few times regarding this..

bukan taknak jawab, but the answer are so uncertain..it depends on how you adapt, how you think..but to give the ideas boleh la..

so, since after i habis DMS i continue both BMS and MBBS, maybe i can share a bit of my pov and opinion regarding this insyaAllah 

the question is - after DMS, mana satu lagi better (BMS ke MBBS)?

first thing first, do you enjoy study or not?

if the answer is yes, then we can proceed to the main answer..

but if your answer is no, and you rasa like DMS pun dah cukup menyeksakan, then you should consider to stop questioning..after DMS if you memang tak minat nak study any further, just proceed to seek for jobs..sebab both BMS and MBBS require lots of commitments..jangan seksa diri sendiri for another phase if you memang tak minat..

BMS or MBBS?

again, depends on your interest..

and need to consider the difference in study time too..

***

BMS (3years; fees: around RM100k)

-if your minat more to research, nak jadi scientist, nak jadi researcher, you love to be in lab doing research, you love to do more research compare to wardworks but at the same time you nak ada attachment dengan ward-thingy, then choose BMS :)

why? - as when you dah ada aim to be a researcher, you nak develop something, you memang dah set your goal nak jadi scientist, then just proceed with the goal..no need to waste time dengan another 5 years bila you memang dah set betul2 you nak jadi researcher..

while working as researcher you can choose to sambung study as well..take master, phD while working..yang penting, back to basic - minat..

memang la orang cakap - oh, ambik mbbs pun boleh jadi researcher jugak, boleh jadi scientist jugak etc..

but if you memang dah ada goal dari awal, kenapa nak tambah study time for things yang uncertain..to take mbbs itself dah painful enough if you memang takde feel or memang tak enjoy langsung to be a doctor..kenapa nak seksa diri sendiri kan..

pros

- less study period

- no need to worry about paper sangkut2 (can finish by time)

- can work in office hour

- can further study while working (huge opportunity; minimum 1 year for master programme, depends on your choice - research/ courseworks)

- not working in wards

cons 

- in malaysia, the jobscope not really clear; but it also means that its huge

- you will not work in wards

MBBS (5years; fees: minimum RM300k)

- if you think that you more onto wardworks, you cannot stand being in the lab for longer period, tak minat sangat microscope, you lagi suka communicate with people, seeing sick people, doing wardworks, enjoy even kena kerja in hectic condition, can stand to accept people's emotion in whatever situation, then choose MBBS :)

why? - as if you cant stand being in lab for long period, you akan rasa terbeban to spend longer time doing research..if you tak kisah kena marah ke, study and works in ridiculous time, enjoy even in tiring time, then mbbs is for you..so that nanti you tak question why you choose medicine..if you rasa macam those stressful things as membebankan, jangan bazirkan masa ambik mbbs..its not worth it seriously..

medicine itself dah already long period of study..and waktu student pun you dah rasa the heavy-ness of the responsibility..so not everyone meant to take the path..you tak need the brain only..if you ambik only just because you have genius brain, kesian diri sendiri and patient nanti..

after all nak kerja with the title, nak taknak you memang nak kena undergo ho-ship..

if let say you dengar orang cakap - oh, tak buat ho-sip pun boleh je kerja, noworries..

then tak ke kesian diri sendiri, family, patients etc when you just like study for 5years alih2 at the end of the tunnel you macam masuk jalan yang sebenarnya you can cut-off time dari awal..

so kalau rasa macam - ahh takpela hadap jela 5years, taknak jadi Dr nnt i takyah la buat ho-ship..for me, its not that simple..fikir betul2..

pros:

- clear pathways

- work in wards, meeting people

cons:

- 5years is not short

- high pressure study and working (but its fine if you can adapt well)

- uncertain working duration

- longer further-study duration (minimum another 4years for specialist programme)

- need to worry about paper sangkut2 too during mbbs time

********************

other thing to consider is the financial thingy..both has hugeee difference in terms of fees..so kena consider very well before choose <3

yang penting, fikir masak2 before decide..jangan ambik just for the sake of nak sambung study semata2..jauh lagi perjalanan after dah habis study..so think wisely and dont waste your time on things yang tak pasti or painful for you :)

thats all for now..if theres anything to add nanti yanie add lagi..

if ada any other question just comment below..yanie check this blog everyday; and will reply asap insyaAllah <3

xoxo,

yanie

DMS vs DMA

 assalamualaikum w.b.t...

sebelum me proceed, for those yang tertanya2,

DMS - Diploma Medical Science

DMA - Diploma Medical Assistant

dah lama nak jawab this question actually..since ramai yang tanya sejak2 wany hasrita cakap dia MA tu..ramai yang interested nak tahu apa beza DMA dengan DMS..

and actually dah pernah jawab longggg ago after i finish my diploma..

to be honest, me pun tak tahu nak jawab macamana sangat..sebab yanie dulu ambik DMS..so setakat DMS jela yang tahu detail pun..cuma i ada la few friends yang pernah ambik DMA..

dari segi silibus for DMA tu memang terang2 im not really sure as i never been in that course pun..untuk silibus DMS pulak i pernah cerita dalam post sebelum ni..boleh baca sini :)

yang paling ketara rasanya dari segi job scope..DMA memang nampak terus - jadi MA

untuk DMS pulak, for me its more to for those yang memang plan nak sambung study lagi after diploma..sebab DMS for me i tak berapa pasti job scope dia macamana..boleh je ke lab, etc tu but how far tu tak pasti..

i cant say mana better than which :) lagipun i dulu buat DMS kat tempat lain..silibus and exposure dia lain compared to my current uni..

those yang suka kerja in hospital setting, ambik2 darah, buat ward work, nak senang dapat kerja after diploma etc tu mungkin prefer MA..those yang memang plan nak sambung study after diploma, yang tak kisah much about work after diploma tu mungkin can choose DMS..

so mana satu better?

yang tu kena tanya diri sendiri..nak kerja clinically at hospital or more to lab and nak sambung study lagi after this..

tepuk dada, tanya selera :) tanya admin about the difference, cuba baca2 blog or ask anyone yang pernah ambik DMA jugak to ask about the flow etc..insyaAllah nanti dipermudahkan dapat jawapan nak pilih yang mana..

xoxo,

yanie

saat iman baru tak lagi diterima

assalamualaikum w.b.t...

 

pernah tak kita terfikir, betapa Allah itu Maha Pengampun, Maha Menerima taubat hamba-hambaNya..tapi pernah tak terfikir jugak, akan ada satu masa Dia tidak lagi menerima taubat hambaNya..

Abu Dzar r.a. berkata: Ketika aku masuk masjid, Rasulullah saw. sedang duduk, dan ketika terbenam matahari Nabi saw. bersabda: Hai Abu Dzar tahukah engkau kemana matahari itu pergi? 

Jawabku: Allahu warasuluhu a’lam. Maka sabda Nabi saw.: Dia minta izin kepada Tuhan untuk sujud, lalu diizinkan terbit kembali, dan akan tiba masa diperintahkan kepadanya: Kembalilah dari mana engkau datang. Sehingga ia terbit dari barat (tempat terbenamnya). Dan itulah tempatnya. (Bukhari, Muslim).

Abu Hurairah r.a. berkata: Nabi saw. bersabda: 

Tidak akan tiba hari kiamat sehingga matahari terbit dari barat, maka bila matahari telah terbit dari barat, dan orang-orangpun melihatnya, segera mereka beriman semuanya, pada saat itu tidak berguna iman yang baru, jika dahulunya mereka tidak beriman. 

 

Kemudian Nabi saw. membaca ayat 158 surat Al-An’am: 

 

“Pada hari tibanya salah satu ayat (bukti) yang telah ditentukan oleh Tuhanmu, maka tidak akan berguna iman yang baru bagi orangnya jika dahulunya mereka tidak beriman“. (Bukhari, Muslim)

 

 

 

xoxo,

yanie

acknowledge your feelings

 assalamualaikum w.b.t...

memandangkan tak rasa nak sleep lagi sesambil buat notes, tiba2 rasa macam nak share question yg me agak banyak kali dapat..

"how you cope dengan rasa negative? ke memang tak pernah rasa down, rasa negative?"

first thing first, saya pun manusia jugak - of course ada je part rasa down..selalu lagi tu..sama macam orang2 lain jugak..ehe

but how do i cope with the feelings?

jawapan ringkas dia - layankan je :D sebab rasa tu memang sifat dia macamtu..kejap okay kejap tak okay..and hari2 kita pun takdela stagnant on one feeling je kan..mesti ada pasang surut dia..

jawapan panjang dia,

tbh, i always overwork myself..sebab selalu rasa diri sendiri macam incompetent, nothing good..rasa macam kena work 100x harder than others..so if study pun, orang selalu cakap study smart, i tambah study hard sekali for myself haha :D

but one thing that i always remind myself is - nak rasa macam kena work harder tu teruskan je..as long as u know that u are currently thinking that way..pijak pada bumi yang nyata..no matter how useless u feel u are, how bad the feelings are, get a grip and acknowledge the feelings..makin deny, makin tak jumpa solution, makin tarik diri masuk zone 'down' nanti..

live in reality .

acknowledge rasa tu..so that you can find a solution on how to solve it..sebab bila i acknowledge yang "okay, aku tengah tak okay sekarang..tengah penat, tengah rasa useless", so boleh proceed to next step - finding solution..atleast i can ask myself "so nak buat apa sekarang?rasa nak study tak?rasa nak makan dulu ke?or nak tidur dulu?sure eh after buat etc etc tu tak dragged into the negative feelings lagi dah"

lebih kurang macamtu..in simple way, acknowledge so that rasa tu terluahkan..kita tak tolak dalam2 lepastu rasa down, rasa weak sorang2..if makin tolak, makin kita deny untuk cari solution..end up tido je..tapi problem tak settle..then bangun2 je rasa penat sebab physically je tidur, mentally tak rest pun..

and appreciate yourself..how? reward diri sendiri..tak perlu mahal2 or susah2 pun..as for me, i selalu reward myself by taking a day off..takdela off day totally..cuma dalam seminggu tu ambik sehari untuk buat kerja less than other2 days..yang selalu stay up sampai 4,5 pagi, kurangkan jadi pukul 11malam..or if selalu fokus buat notes, study sampai berjam2, one day ambik few hours untuk tengok movie or youtube..

bila dah feel better, buat la balik all the routines yang selalu buat tu..sebab myself sendiri tahu - somehow, i chose this way of life..so memang penat macamana pun actually deeeeppp down - i enjoy je..cuma kadang2 je bila penat sangat rasa tu jadi extra heavy..so enjoy jela rasa penat tu..penat tu lumrah..memang dalam hidup ni akan ada certain2 masa kita rasa macam tertiarap rapat ke bumi..jangan ignore rasa tu..cuma jangan stay situ lama2 jugak..kesian diri sendiri..

but if the stress or the negative feelings come from something yang me memang tak suka, then cari la jalan to solve/ stop the flow..sebabtu kena acknowledge dulu your feelings..selagi tipu diri sendiri selagi tu sendiri tak boleh nak create solution..apatah lagi orang lain..

**these are just sharing on how me coping with my negative feelings..lain orang lain cara dia..so, find yours :) just make sure that you somehow teach yourself on how to find way out of the feelings..jangan stay in the feelings lama2..tak healthy :)

xoxo,

yanie

MBBS: entering year 4 (what to prepare)

 assalamualaikum w.b.t...

long time no see..dah lama tak share something related to study in here..so today rasa macam nak share something 

for year 3, mungkin a lot of things need to be prepared sebab baru nak kenal dengan clinical years..but for year 4 actually nothing much pun..sebab mostly kita dah prepare waktu pre clinical & year 3..cuma untuk each posting tu kena prepare barang2 dia jela sesikit..

me sharing these ikut my experience - as a pandemic student..so macam a bit different from previous2 batch..

as usual, we all begin dengan theory class - online..

before kita go one by one, let me list out all the postings in year 4 (in msu)..

____________________________

year 4 ada plus minus 10 postings..

1) Elective posting

2) Community Medicine

3) Primary Care

4) Specialty posting 1 (forensic, ENT, ophthalmology)

5) Specialty posting 2 (radiology, anaest, ortho)

6) Psychiatry

sequence dia macam biasa - ikut batch..actually kalau ikutkan pengalaman seniors, the sequence untuk year 4 macam pening sikit..sebab dorg akan divide class into half, and both half akan pergi different posting..

but due to pandemic, so dorang selaraskan je semua satu batch..means everyone akan pergi ikut sequence posting yang sama..cuma giliran ke hospital je berbeza..

and another difference is, selalunya elective posting will be at the enddddd of the year..tapi for us, kitorang begin dengan elective posting..and supposedly elective posting can choose to be any posting..tapi for us cannot..memang kena buat research as elective..no choice..

back to original point, what to prepare for year 4? whitecoat memang wajib la kan..sini yanie letak barang2 basic yang perlu ada..and penting..yang nak add tu boleh add later..

1) Elective Posting (research)

- laptop with hugeee storage, big ram..sebab nanti kena pakai spss..and read lotssss of articles..so possibility untuk laptop tu hang tinggi..

- money (in case kena print questionnaire)

--> for elective posting, as kitorg kena buat research, so memang most of the time baca articles, do discussions and do research jela..pernah hadap research before this pun still sakit kepala jugak nak hadap once again..eheh

--> stress level: ****

2)Community Medicine

- sama jugak dengan elective posting..sebab commed ni pun buat research jugak..penat dia jela yang different pun..

- stress level: ***

3)Primary Care

- stethoscope (tak perlu beli baru, pakai yang dah ada je..tapi kena ada sendiri punya la senang)

- BP set (sebab nanti if pergi ward better bawak sendiri..beli yang aneroid je..kat kamal bookstore baru RM80 one set)

- pentorch (ni pun actually semua orang supposedly dah ada)

- stress level: ***

4)Specialty Posting 1

-->ENT

- metal tongue depressor (rm10)

- thudicum nasal speculum (rm20)

- otoscope (rm200-rm500)

**BUT dont worry, if tak mampu, otoscope tu tak perlu beli lagi pun takpe..cuma if mampu boleh beli siap2..

-->Ophthal

- ophthalmoscope (rm200-rm500)

- pentorch

- neurokit (if nak beli baru - rm8-rm16)

-->Forensic

- kecekalan :D basically untuk forensic no need to prepare any apparatus pun..cuma kena kental sikit sebab nanti nak kena stay kat bilik mayat for atleast a day long untuk buat autopsy..kena prepare mental for the bau..

overall stress level: ***

5)Specialty Posting 2

-->Radiology

- no need to prepare apa2 sangat..just prepare diri je..sebab nanti film tu Dr yang tunjuk..

- buku? takde apa sangat jugak..pakai slides Dr, dengar lecture dah enough actually

-->Anaest

- pun takde apa2 sangat to prepare..just stetoscope jela..tu pun tak pakai sangat..later kat hospital pun kita masuk OT pakai scrubs, bawak logbook je..

- scrubs tak perlu sendiri punya - nanti pakai yang kat hospital :)

-->Ortho

- neurokit

- tendon hammer

overall stress level: ***

6)Psychiatry Posting

- lagi takde apa2 to prepare..kena prepare mental jela kot extra sikit 🥰

- psychiatry actually fun untuk those yang minat..

stress level: **

__________

if ada anything yanie boleh tambah later yanie tambah..if anyone ada soalan sila2 la comment kat bawah..insyaAllah yanie reply :)

xoxo,

yanie

take your time; believe in yourself

 Assalamualaikum w.b.t...

i just wanna share this with u..

"kadang kita bukan tak mampu to handle certain things/situation..tapi kita cuma belum fully discover our own capability..which might be buried by certain previous story..its okay..take ur time..u will found it someday..just keep believing urself more than others..as u actually able to do more than u think u could ❤"

xoxo,

yanie

Be kind . With brain

 Assalamualaikum w.b.t...

"to be kind and not having much 'great' takdir or be not-so-kind tapi with so 'cool' journey"

berusahalah menjadi orang baik . dan bijak .

mungkin menjadi orang baik tidak membawa kamu ke satu titik 'kejayaan' secara cepat..bahkan mungkin membuatkan kamu jeda pada satu2 titik untuk tempoh yg lama..tapi setidaknya, orang2 yg baik takkan menyesali masa lalunya ☺

***

be kind . with brain

maybe kindness not making u reach ur 'success' point faster..or even worse, might make u stop at one place for a longer time before ur next move..but atleast, kind person will never regret their past..

so, be kind ☺

xoxo,

yanie

to love or to be loved?

Assalamualaikum w.b.t...

i ever been asked by someone about these..few times..

 

Q - to care or to be taken care? to love or to be loved?

 

my A - both..you cannot pour from an empty cup..so, you need to take care of yourself first before taking care of others..love yourself before u love others ❤ so that u will place it at the right person..and receive the same..

 

macamana nak memberi sedang kita pun ternanti untuk menerima kan?

_

Q - why?and how?

 

my A - if you not loving yourself first, you will question every love that u give/share with others..you will always think that its unfair for you to just giving without getting it back..kesian la diri sendiri too..how? know your worth..so that you will not care for wrong person ❤

 

 ***

 

learn on appreciating and loving yourself first before you start loving others..

tak salah untuk sentiasa dahulukan orang lain..but never forget yourself..after all, you the one that deserve your love the most; the one that will hug you silently when people turn their back on you..so, love yourself first :)

 

hari2, cuba say thankyou kat diri sendiri..cuba appreciate and say that you did a great job everyday..

 

by loving yourself only then you will not hesitate to pour your love onto others :)

 

dan loving yourself tak menidakkan perasaan orang lain..loving yourself tak bermaksud membenarkan orang lain disakiti..you still can love yourself without hurting others :) love yourself, at the same time - respect others :)

after all, your mental health deserve your attention too right? its not worth it for you to sacrifice your mental health for the sake of others :)

 

 

 

xoxo,

yanie

 

appreciate little things

 assalamualaikum w.b.t...

sedar tak sedar, ramadhan dah berganti syawal..kejap sangat masa berlalu kan..kadang kita lupa untuk appreciate apa yang kita tengah lalui sampaila satu masa, moment ni berlalu pergi..waktu tu, hanya kenangan yang masih utuh dalam kotak memori..

ramadhan dan syawal kali ni menjentik satu lagi rasa menghargai for me..

ramadhan yang seharusnya 'sebulan' terasa hanya beberapa minggu..sampai di malam terakhir, bila diumum tarikh 1 syawal, dan takbir bergema, diri sendiri tertanya - eh, ramadhan dah habis? mana nikmat malam2 ramadhan? kenapa macam sepi je? mana nikmat mencari lailatulqadar tu? mana nikmat menghargai setiap detik dalam bulan ramadhan?

dan soalan2 tu membuatkan diri sendiri tertanya - cukupkah amalan sepanjang ramadhan? kenapa tiba2 rasa kosong? kenapa macam takde apa2?

tbh, those feelings in a sum is a sad thing indirectly..

mungkin terlampau sibuk memikirkan kegusaran dunia, sampai lupa untuk fokus nikmati dan tuai sebanyaknya untuk akhirat..sampai satu masa, bila Allah jentik balik jiwa, baru kalbu tersedar..jauh sangat rasa diri ni..

dan bila syawal tiba, kita nikmati hanya seketika..selebihnya berlalu seperti hari biasa..sibuk pada dunia pun kembali seperti biasa..tahu2 dah menginjak ke syawal ke lima..dan dalam beberapa hari lagi, semuanya kembali seperti hari2 sebelum..sibuk dengan tanggungjawab dunia..

selagi ada rasa untuk menghargai, hargailah setiap detik..selagi ada waktu untuk disyukuri, syukurilah setiap nikmat..

sebab kita semua takkan pernah tahu, berapa lama masa yang kita ada untuk menghargai dan mensyukuri..

moga kita semua dipertemukan dengan ramadhan seterusnya <3

Selamat Hari Raya!

xoxo,

yanie

clinical weeks in klinik kesihatan (KK)

 assalamualaikum w.b.t...

after 2 years of pandemic, then in the early 2022 kitorang berkesempatan untuk pergi klinik kesihatan for our primary care posting..that was the first clinical exposure for our mbbs journey..

KK mana?

- tak boleh reveal kot (i choose not to..yang mana tahu tu tahu la..hee)

how many weeks?

- 4weeks in total..tapi takdela fully 24/7..as we kena gilir2 (sebab they only allowed 20 students only in a day - and perlu divide into small2 group for each department somemore)

sepanjang clinical weeks tu okay la, not really smooth tapi alhamdulillah, manageable..

what to do in KK?

- penuhkan logbookk! hee.. di samping timba ilmu banyak2..

how to survive?

- macam biasa, ikut surviving skills masing2..but insyaAllah everything gonna be okay ajaa..

- awal2 ofcourse rasa macam semua serba baru, semua serba tak terkejar..but after day 1 tu insyaAllah dah boleh keep up dah..

cuma SOP memang kena jaga la kan..kita tengah peralihan ke endemik, bukan endemik lagi..so precaution tu kena sentiasa ada..

how the 'pandemic procedure'?

- kena pakai mask, face shield (wajib)

- PPE ikut department assigned

basically sama je rasanya dengan sebelum pandemik..just extra precaution jela..dari segi jumpa patient semua tu sama je..do history taking, clerk cases etc..

jangan lupa cari case for CWU too <3

Drs garang tak?senang bagi cop tak?

- soalan ni banyak jugak yang tanya..for me, Drs smua okay je..and ada few yang baikkkkkkk sangat..siap ajar satu2, bg cop etc..moga Allah murahkan lagi rezeki Drs yang baik2 tu..

tips?

- untuk clerking, datang awal, clerk sebanyak case yang mampu..kt area OPD memang everyday ramai..clerk ramai2 tak rugi pun..atleast waktu CP takdela gelabah if Dr tiba2 mintak extra case to be presented :)

- untuk CWU, cari potential pt, follow sampai habis (ambik ubat)

- untuk procedures, tagging je dengan nurses/ Drs/ MAs..

**macam biasa, if ada nak tanya anything just drop comment kat bawah :) yang tak berkait dengan mbbs pun boleh je nak tanya..if yanie tahu yanie jawab..me hari2 bukak blog ni insyaAllah..update je kadang2..ikut free time..hee

xoxo,

yanie