housemanship ended
no more “posting ke berapa?”
no more counting down postings
---
the adrenaline of not knowing where we will be placed was nervewrecking
but i dont wanna talk more about it
to cut story short, i got ED! <3
did i suddenly wake up the next morning knowing everything?
--of course not.
HAHA.
becoming an MO came with a different kind of realisation:
oh..now i'm actually expected to make decisions. ๐ซ
and for a while, i became what we called a floating MO.
no permanent department yet.
go where you're needed.
--of course not.
HAHA.
becoming an MO came with a different kind of realisation:
oh..now i'm actually expected to make decisions. ๐ซ
and for a while, i became what we called a floating MO.
no permanent department yet.
go where you're needed.
---
back to ED — but this time, different
the department was familiar.
the monitors.
the ambulance calls.
the endless ECGs.
the sound of the resus area.
the “Dr, patient kat bed **…”
all familiar.
except this time -
i wasn't there as an HO anymore.
and somehow that tiny difference felt... huge.
as an HO, there was always someone above you.
you assess.
you present.
you ask.
“Dr, plan macam mana?”
you ask.
“Dr, plan macam mana?”
thats it .
anything - "MO saya yg suruh.."
as an MO, suddenly people start looking at you.
“Dr, plan?” - the 'Dr' is you
…
kejap fikir :D
---
floating, but somehow feels at home
i loved not knowing what was coming through the door next.
Chest pain.
Trauma.
Asthma.
A sick child.
Stroke.
Sepsis.
A surgical abdomen.
Someone walking in looking perfectly fine but with an ECG that makes everyone suddenly move faster.
every patient was different.
every shift was different.
and my brain somehow liked that.
---
i love the chaos - the organized kind of chaos :D
ED is chaotic.
there's no point pretending otherwise.
sometimes five things happen at once.
someone needs a referral.
someone's BP is dropping.
someone needs a procedure.
an ambulance arrives.
the monitor starts alarming.
your phone rings.
and someone casually asks—
“Dr, boleh discharge patient ni?”
:D
but beneath all that chaos, there's actually a system.
you prioritize.
who needs you now?
who can wait?
who looks sick?
who might become sick?
what can kill this patient first?
someone needs a procedure.
an ambulance arrives.
the monitor starts alarming.
your phone rings.
and someone casually asks—
“Dr, boleh discharge patient ni?”
:D
but beneath all that chaos, there's actually a system.
you prioritize.
who needs you now?
who can wait?
who looks sick?
who might become sick?
what can kill this patient first?
ABCDE.
Stabilize.
Investigate.
Reassess.
Disposition.
Next patient.
and somehow…
i love that way of thinking.
---
i love that ED makes me think
in the ward, most patients already come with a diagnosis.
in ED, sometimes all you get is -
“rasa tak sedap badan.”
you start from almost nothing.
History.
Examination.
Vitals.
ECG.
POCUS.
Bloods.
Imaging.
and slowly you build the picture.
sometimes the diagnosis becomes obvious.
sometimes it doesn't.
and sometimes the most important decision isn't even finding the exact diagnosis.
it's recognising - this patient is sick.
that part of Emergency Medicine fascinated me
the uncertainty.
the pattern recognition.
the need to make decisions with incomplete information.
and the constant question running somewhere in your head:
what am i missing?
---
and yes… I Love the Adrenaline
there's a particular feeling when a critically ill patient arrives.
everyone moves.
monitor on.
IV access.
Bloods.
Airway.
ECG.
POCUS.
Drugs.
Someone calls the referral.
Someone prepares equipment.
and somehow, without needing many words, everyone knows their role.
for those few minutes, the entire team is focused on one thing - keeping this person alive.
that feeling is difficult to explain to someone who has never stood inside a resus bay.
it's stressful.
sometimes frightening.
sometimes exhausting.
but when a patient who arrived crashing eventually becomes stable enough to leave your resus bay...there's a quiet satisfaction in that.
not that i saved this patient.
but - we gave this patient a chance.
and i think i fell in love with that.
---
ofcourse, loving ED doesn't mean every shift is beautiful
some shifts were horrible.
sometimes the department was overflowing.
sometimes I was tired.
hungry.
mentally drained.
sometimes I made decisions and later replayed them repeatedly in my head -
hungry.
mentally drained.
sometimes I made decisions and later replayed them repeatedly in my head -
-was that the right call?
-should I have done something earlier?
-did I miss anything?
and sometimes there were patients we couldn't save.
those cases always felt heavier.
so no -
loving emergency doesn't mean loving every moment of it.
maybe it means that despite the difficult moments...
-should I have done something earlier?
-did I miss anything?
and sometimes there were patients we couldn't save.
those cases always felt heavier.
so no -
loving emergency doesn't mean loving every moment of it.
maybe it means that despite the difficult moments...
i still wanted to come back.
---
somewhere between HO and MO…
i think ED changed for me.
as an HO, ED was my final posting.
a place where everything I had learnt throughout housemanship finally came together.
but returning as a floating MO made me see it differently.
now i wasn't only learning how to manage patients.
i was learning how to make decisions.
how to prioritise.
how to communicate.
how to lead when necessary.
how to ask for help without feeling that asking meant i wasn't good enough.
and how to accept that being an MO doesn't mean knowing everything.
it means taking responsibility for finding the safest next step.
---
somehow, in the middle of all that uncertainty, i found one place where i didn't mind staying.
the noisy department.
the unpredictable shifts.
the endless ECGs.
the resus bay.
the adrenaline.
the teamwork.
the uncertainty.
the tiny victories.
the heartbreaking losses.
all of it.
emergency.
the resus bay.
the adrenaline.
the teamwork.
the uncertainty.
the tiny victories.
the heartbreaking losses.
all of it.
emergency.
xoxo,
yanie
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