“eh yanie, bila nak sambung? still ED kan?”
“soon..and yes.”
the question was easy.
the answer, perhaps, was never entirely mine to give..as there are plans we make quietly, and there are roads that unfold only when their time comes.
but if there is one thing i have always known about myself, it is that i have never loved medicine in pieces.
i love too many parts of it.
the thinking.
the uncertainty.
the small clues hidden in a history.
the sudden change in a patient’s condition.
the procedures that require steady hands.
the moments where decisions cannot wait for perfect certainty.
perhaps that is why emergency medicine has always felt a little like home.
not because i know everything there.
far from it.
maybe precisely because i don’t.
every shift seems to carry something i have never seen before.
a familiar complaint that turns out to be something completely different.
a procedure i have done before, but somehow still teaches me something new.
a patient who reminds me that medicine rarely reads exactly like the textbook.
there is always another corner to explore.
another question to ask.
another thing to go home and read about.
every shift seems to carry something i have never seen before.
a familiar complaint that turns out to be something completely different.
a procedure i have done before, but somehow still teaches me something new.
a patient who reminds me that medicine rarely reads exactly like the textbook.
there is always another corner to explore.
another question to ask.
another thing to go home and read about.
and strangely, I love that.
the feeling of never quite reaching the end.
of knowing enough to help today,
yet still having so much left to learn for tomorrow.
last week, i spent two days in an emergency procedure course.
two days of learning, practising, repeating, asking, trying again.
two days of being reminded how much there is still to know. and I loved it.
i loved the feeling of learning with my hands.
of turning things I had only read about into something more real.
of noticing the small details that never seem as obvious on paper.
of being a student again, even if only for two days.
there is something quietly beautiful about medicine that way.
the longer you stay, the more it gives you to learn.
and somehow, instead of making me tired of it,
it makes me want to know more.
maybe that is what keeps me here.
not the adrenaline people often associate with the emergency department.
not the drama.
not even the unpredictability itself.
perhaps it is simply the curiosity.
the privilege of walking into work and knowing that the day has not yet revealed what it wants to teach you.
some days, the lesson comes gently.
some days, it comes through a difficult patient.
sometimes through a procedure.
sometimes through a mistake narrowly avoided.
sometimes through someone more experienced quietly saying, “next time, try it this way.”
and sometimes, the lesson is simply realising - there is still so much i do not know.
years ago, that thought might have frightened me.
now, somehow, i think i love it.
as there will always be another page to read.
another skill to practise.
another course to attend.
another patient who will make me rethink something I thought I understood.
the feeling of never quite reaching the end.
of knowing enough to help today,
yet still having so much left to learn for tomorrow.
last week, i spent two days in an emergency procedure course.
two days of learning, practising, repeating, asking, trying again.
two days of being reminded how much there is still to know. and I loved it.
i loved the feeling of learning with my hands.
of turning things I had only read about into something more real.
of noticing the small details that never seem as obvious on paper.
of being a student again, even if only for two days.
there is something quietly beautiful about medicine that way.
the longer you stay, the more it gives you to learn.
and somehow, instead of making me tired of it,
it makes me want to know more.
maybe that is what keeps me here.
not the adrenaline people often associate with the emergency department.
not the drama.
not even the unpredictability itself.
perhaps it is simply the curiosity.
the privilege of walking into work and knowing that the day has not yet revealed what it wants to teach you.
some days, the lesson comes gently.
some days, it comes through a difficult patient.
sometimes through a procedure.
sometimes through a mistake narrowly avoided.
sometimes through someone more experienced quietly saying, “next time, try it this way.”
and sometimes, the lesson is simply realising - there is still so much i do not know.
years ago, that thought might have frightened me.
now, somehow, i think i love it.
as there will always be another page to read.
another skill to practise.
another course to attend.
another patient who will make me rethink something I thought I understood.
so when someone asks,
“still ED?”
i suppose the easiest answer is still yes
not because i already know exactly where this road will end.
i don’t.
and perhaps that part was never entirely mine to decide.
but for now,
this is still the place that keeps my mind awake,
my hands learning,
and my curiosity alive.
“still ED?”
i suppose the easiest answer is still yes
not because i already know exactly where this road will end.
i don’t.
and perhaps that part was never entirely mine to decide.
but for now,
this is still the place that keeps my mind awake,
my hands learning,
and my curiosity alive.
xoxo,
yanie
