a few days ago, someone asked me,
“are you happy where you are now? are you okay being there?”
i smiled.
“yes, i am. im happy wherever i’m placed.”
it was a simple answer.
but the question stayed with me for a while.
as somehow, it brought me back to a night a few months ago - during the last few weeks of my housemanship.
i was injured at that time, so most of my shifts were spent in greenzone.
and on one particular night, there happened to be a visit from the ministry.
of all nights, i was the only HO in gz at that moment. my MO was away up-triaging a patient; and somehow, i ended up being introduced by my EPs to the visiting team - the injured HO, who, despite everything, still insisted on coming to work.
haha.
then came the usual questions.
“when will you finish your housemanship?”
“in a couple of weeks.”
“Ooo... dah nak jadi MO la ni.”
“InsyaAllah.”
and then came another question.
the one almost every HO nearing the end of housemanship has probably imagined being asked.
“so, if after this you were sent somewhere rural, somewhere in a district hospital, how would you feel?”
i paused for a moment.
then smiled.
i remember giving quite a long answer that night.
but if i had to shorten everything into one sentence, it was simply -
“di mana bumi dipijak, di situ langit dijunjung.”
i never really had a particular place in mind.
i did not know where the next chapter would take me, and strangely, i was okay with that.
city or district.
near or far.
somewhere familiar, or somewhere i had never been before.
as long as i could still be useful to someone, i thought i would eventually find my way.
but somewhere within that answer, i also left them with a small hope.
that when young doctors are sent far away to serve, the journey would not be made unnecessarily difficult.
as i think most of us understand the responsibility.
there are people beyond the cities who need doctors too.
there are hospitals far from everything familiar, communities separated from specialist care by hours of road, and patients whose journey to seek treatment is far longer than ours to report for duty.
and someone has to be there.
“are you happy where you are now? are you okay being there?”
i smiled.
“yes, i am. im happy wherever i’m placed.”
it was a simple answer.
but the question stayed with me for a while.
as somehow, it brought me back to a night a few months ago - during the last few weeks of my housemanship.
i was injured at that time, so most of my shifts were spent in greenzone.
and on one particular night, there happened to be a visit from the ministry.
of all nights, i was the only HO in gz at that moment. my MO was away up-triaging a patient; and somehow, i ended up being introduced by my EPs to the visiting team - the injured HO, who, despite everything, still insisted on coming to work.
haha.
then came the usual questions.
“when will you finish your housemanship?”
“in a couple of weeks.”
“Ooo... dah nak jadi MO la ni.”
“InsyaAllah.”
and then came another question.
the one almost every HO nearing the end of housemanship has probably imagined being asked.
“so, if after this you were sent somewhere rural, somewhere in a district hospital, how would you feel?”
i paused for a moment.
then smiled.
i remember giving quite a long answer that night.
but if i had to shorten everything into one sentence, it was simply -
“di mana bumi dipijak, di situ langit dijunjung.”
i never really had a particular place in mind.
i did not know where the next chapter would take me, and strangely, i was okay with that.
city or district.
near or far.
somewhere familiar, or somewhere i had never been before.
as long as i could still be useful to someone, i thought i would eventually find my way.
but somewhere within that answer, i also left them with a small hope.
that when young doctors are sent far away to serve, the journey would not be made unnecessarily difficult.
as i think most of us understand the responsibility.
there are people beyond the cities who need doctors too.
there are hospitals far from everything familiar, communities separated from specialist care by hours of road, and patients whose journey to seek treatment is far longer than ours to report for duty.
and someone has to be there.
most of us know that.
most of us will go.
perhaps all we quietly hope for is that, when we arrive, there is at least enough for us to begin a life there.
a safe place to return to after work.
the basic necessities.
a little reassurance that although we have been sent far away, we have not simply been sent away.
not luxury.
just something that says - we know you are here to serve, and we have remembered that you are human too.
they smiled when i finished talking.
somehow till today, i still don’t know what those smiles meant.
perhaps they understood.
perhaps it was simply one conversation among many that night.
perhaps my words never travelled beyond the gz door.
i will never know.
but at least, for that small moment, i said what i wanted to say.
and then life moved on.
housemanship ended.
the injured foot healed.
the green-zone shifts became memories.
and eventually, here i am - far enough that home was no longer somewhere i could simply return to whenever i wanted.
to unfamiliar roads.
to a place i knew very little about before it appeared on a placement letter.
and perhaps the funny thing about life is that sometimes it answers your old words for you.
there were no perfect arrangements waiting for us here.
some of the things i quietly hoped for that night were not there.
so, like everyone else, we figured things out.
we looked for somewhere to stay.
learned new roads.
built new routines.
found our usual places to eat.
learned how far everything was.
learned the rhythm of a smaller hospital and the weight that distance carries differently here.
and slowly,
the unfamiliar stopped feeling quite so unfamiliar.
the road i once needed navigation for became a road i recognized without thinking.
the hospital that initially felt so far away became somewhere i walked into almost automatically.
names became familiar.
faces became familiar.
colleagues became friends.
somewhere between endless shifts, small conversations, difficult cases, quiet drives and ordinary days - life settled.
not dramatically.
not all at once.
just quietly.
and perhaps that is why, when someone asked me recently whether i was happy here, my answer came so easily.
yes.
i am.
not because everything is perfect.
it isn’t.
there are still things i hope will become better - for us, and especially for those who will be sent here after us.
learning to adapt should never mean that things do not deserve improvement.
but i have also learned that an imperfect beginning does not necessarily make an unhappy story.
because this place gave me something i could never have understood from afar.
here, distance has a different meaning.
here, i meet people who travel for hours just to reach us.
families who wait longer.
patients who come later, not because they do not care, but because getting to healthcare itself is part of their struggle.
and somewhere along the way, i began to understand why hospitals like this matter.
why someone needs to be here.
why perhaps, for this little chapter of my life, i needed to be here too.
there are days when i miss home.
the hospital that initially felt so far away became somewhere i walked into almost automatically.
names became familiar.
faces became familiar.
colleagues became friends.
somewhere between endless shifts, small conversations, difficult cases, quiet drives and ordinary days - life settled.
not dramatically.
not all at once.
just quietly.
and perhaps that is why, when someone asked me recently whether i was happy here, my answer came so easily.
yes.
i am.
not because everything is perfect.
it isn’t.
there are still things i hope will become better - for us, and especially for those who will be sent here after us.
learning to adapt should never mean that things do not deserve improvement.
but i have also learned that an imperfect beginning does not necessarily make an unhappy story.
because this place gave me something i could never have understood from afar.
here, distance has a different meaning.
here, i meet people who travel for hours just to reach us.
families who wait longer.
patients who come later, not because they do not care, but because getting to healthcare itself is part of their struggle.
and somewhere along the way, i began to understand why hospitals like this matter.
why someone needs to be here.
why perhaps, for this little chapter of my life, i needed to be here too.
there are days when i miss home.
there are days when the distance still feels like distance.
and there are days when i wonder how different life would have been if my placement letter had carried another hospital’s name.
but strangely,
i have never wished to rewrite it.
because sometimes life brings us somewhere we never asked for,
and instead of immediately feeling like home,
the place simply gives us time.
time to know its roads.
time to understand its people.
time to find our own little corners.
time to become part of something we once stood outside of.
until one ordinary day,
someone asks whether we are happy there - and only then do we realized that somewhere along the way,
we already were.
months ago, standing in gz with an injured foot and only a few weeks of housemanship left, i said -
“di mana bumi dipijak, di situ langit dijunjung.”
back then, they were simply words i believed in.
today,
perhaps i understand them a little better.
it is not about loving every circumstance.
nor about pretending that everything is easy simply because we have learned how to survive it.
perhaps it is simply about arriving somewhere unfamiliar with an open heart, doing whatever good we can while we are there, and allowing life to surprise us.
because not every road has to lead somewhere we planned.
some roads simply take us somewhere, give us people we would never otherwise have met, stories we would never otherwise have carried, and a version of ourselves we would never otherwise have known.
and somehow,
that becomes enough.
so here I am - far from where I started,
under a sky I once knew nothing about,
still serving,
still learning,
still finding little reasons to stay grateful.
no grand conclusion.
no dramatic ending.
just the quiet realization that if i were brought back to that night in gz and asked the same question again, perhaps my answer would remain unchanged.
di mana bumi dipijak, di situ langit dijunjung
perhaps i did not know where the road would take me then.
but now that I am here, i wouldn’t ask it to take me back.
maybe, the road knew it better.
and there are days when i wonder how different life would have been if my placement letter had carried another hospital’s name.
but strangely,
i have never wished to rewrite it.
because sometimes life brings us somewhere we never asked for,
and instead of immediately feeling like home,
the place simply gives us time.
time to know its roads.
time to understand its people.
time to find our own little corners.
time to become part of something we once stood outside of.
until one ordinary day,
someone asks whether we are happy there - and only then do we realized that somewhere along the way,
we already were.
months ago, standing in gz with an injured foot and only a few weeks of housemanship left, i said -
“di mana bumi dipijak, di situ langit dijunjung.”
back then, they were simply words i believed in.
today,
perhaps i understand them a little better.
it is not about loving every circumstance.
nor about pretending that everything is easy simply because we have learned how to survive it.
perhaps it is simply about arriving somewhere unfamiliar with an open heart, doing whatever good we can while we are there, and allowing life to surprise us.
because not every road has to lead somewhere we planned.
some roads simply take us somewhere, give us people we would never otherwise have met, stories we would never otherwise have carried, and a version of ourselves we would never otherwise have known.
and somehow,
that becomes enough.
so here I am - far from where I started,
under a sky I once knew nothing about,
still serving,
still learning,
still finding little reasons to stay grateful.
no grand conclusion.
no dramatic ending.
just the quiet realization that if i were brought back to that night in gz and asked the same question again, perhaps my answer would remain unchanged.
di mana bumi dipijak, di situ langit dijunjung
perhaps i did not know where the road would take me then.
but now that I am here, i wouldn’t ask it to take me back.
maybe, the road knew it better.
xoxo,
yanie
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