Why did I choose Medicine? Kenapa nak jadi Doktor?

assalamualaikum w.b.t...

 

 

ramai had been asking me this questions since I first begin my study life..dah lama nak jawab actually but I don't know where to begin my words :)

even dalam interview untuk masuk MBBS pun soalan ni the most famous one kan..siapa yang pernah pegi interview medical school pernah la rasa ditanya macamni kan :D

so...Why did I choose Medicine? Kenapa nak jadi doktor?

for me, jawapan dia not really easy..sebab it was a lifetime decision..and i'm such a long-term-thinker..even nak beli barang kat shopee pun me add to cart sampai 3months but end up tak beli jugak after list out all the pros and cons :D

the exact triggering factor tak ingat..i think sebab waktu sekolah rendah dulu pernah ada program anak angkat in which medical students from USM stay kat rumah2 kat my village..so my rumah ada 5orang anak angkat yang stay..and to listen to their story tu sangat2 la inspiring..plus there was this one abang (sekarang dah Dr la); he was a handsome guy (biasalatu adik2 tengok abang2 hensem kan :p)..and that abang was so baikkk sebab layan me yang budak2 waktu tu patiently..so mungkin tu one of the triggering factor jugak la kot :D

 

other than that rasanya its a negative triggering factor..so memory macam deleted as me try not to remember by time..but i takdela simpan dendam..just still simpan kenangan yang sometimes can naikkan semangat again bila tiba2 rasa down..i take it positively :)

 

next, i need to say that im so thankful Allah hadirkan orang yang baik2 as my friends..and ada this one friend yang dah jadi Dr awal than me, he always said - kau jangan give up..kita dah janji kan nak jd Dr sama2..cuma kau ambik pathway yang extra miles sikit dari aku..but still one day aku nak kita keje in the same profession yang kita pernah borak sebelum ni..

 

and he will always be there even me takpernah bagitau pun tengah sedih ke apa..he has a beautiful heart..selalu muncul tiba2 and help me out of my problems..

after all the bunga2 kehidupan, the exact point/reason yang buat i solid nak take medicine is bila me habis my first degree..how? sebab my internship reallyy3 do help me a lot in making this hard decision..few years me taking slow path just to ensure that my decision is not wrong and finally me get the confidence to take this journey..

apa yang membantu sangat waktu internship tu?

1) waktu awal2 masuk internship, the first thing i heard sepanjang seminggu tu - tak payah la jadi Dr dik..buat penat je..nanti kena maki, penat keje kadang2 orang tak appreciate pun..

- so me become soo curious to know why those Drs cakap macamtu..and start to find out..

- but makin cari reason tu makin me rasa nak continue..yes, kena marah, kadang2 people tak appreciate pun..but thats the bittersweet of this profession..atleast for me la..

- kepuasan bila tengok some patient mampu senyum balik kat kita n cakap thank u tu soo tak mampu nak describe..so yeah..its a satisfaction..depends on macamana u terima that thing i think..

2) i love the pressure..

 

- waktu minggu second me baru nak try join this one group of Drs untuk discuss cases..but i've been rejected sebab waktu tu consultant tak nak ada selain daripada team beliau..

- malu la jugak waktu tu..i dont know the exact reason me be rejected..but later i sat down and take it positively..and i think it still has the good side..mungkin that Dr tak nak ada interruption from other ppl selain dari her team to discuss the cases..mungkin thats how she keep the quality of her team..so its a good thing for both parties - Drs dapat bagi high quality service, pt dapat high quality treatment.. so things just passed by and esok2 tu me dah adapt with the situation..

- after i've been rejected tu my sv came and ask why me so quiet..and later he said "in life we need to try to face rejection..sbb rejection tu la yg mematangkan..and make u think even more.." and he's right :)

- and during that internship selalu je jugak kena marah even if i don't know the exact reason at first..tapi me jenis yang tak kisah kena marah and akan find out the reason to know which part i need to improve..so that i can be better me tomorrow..

 

3) i met with lotssss of helpful, kind hearted Dr..

 

- other than those negative experience, the main reason is still the positive experience..during that internship i met with my SV - DrJ.. he's so kind, so soft spoken..everytime join ward round with him mesti kagum..sebab dia cakap sangat2 lembut n respect the pt..he also very kind to me sebab selalu jawab my questions walaupun macam ridiculous and out of the box..

- he also one of those Drs yang sangat2 sabar ajar me every procedure..and everyday he will give me opportunity to try to do simple procedures and ajar satu2 steps..

- everyday he will give me questions (macam quiz) and make sure me know new things to bring back home..and gave me homework too so that he can guide me at which part i need to..

- some other Drs pun veryyy helpful and kind..sampaikan me dah tukar department pun they still treat me so well..

- thats the major point when i start to think that at least i wanna be one of them..a Dr yang membantu new generation of Drs..

- i have lotsss of sweet experience sepanjang internship thanks to them..

4) the trust & encouragements

 

- just like what i said before, there's lots of Drs that have very beautiful heart..

- everyday after ward round yang took hours, the Drs mesti akn atleast say one word to me --> jadi Dr ni susah..but dont give up tau dik..our future medical field need more people like u..(even when i dont think i do any useful thing pn that day)

- even everytime me kena marah,, akan ada those yang datang bagi semangat n support..they treat me as part of them..so i was like - i cant give up in this journey..

- and those Drs always told me - nanti dah grad come join us..be part of us..

- me pernah cakap kat those Drs (asking opinion) - im not that smart..n neither i feel that im belongs to this profession..plus i took long pathways..is it worth it?am i still deserve it? 

--> and their answer sangat2 make me sooo touched..

 

**Allah tak letakkan awak kat tempat mana awak berdiri sekarang if ini bukan tempat awak..Dia tak takdirkan anything for no reason :)

**Allah tak aturkan jalan awak macamni if bukan untuk kebaikan awak..He knows everything..

**Dia takkan jadikan awak kuat & still ada kat sini if awak tak mampu..so u deserve this..

**cepat or lambat is just a matter of time..as long as niat awak betul, insyaAllah this is the right path for u..apa salahnya long path pun..means that u double ur quality to serve others later..this journey yang awak akan rindu nanti bila awak sampai satu tahap yang kukuh :)

 

other than that, i told u i'm a long-term thinker..so to make each decision i will think about lots of things, try to imagine my future, try to picture me in 10-20 years time..and asking myself multiple times if i will ever be happy in what i choose or not..

 

thats also how i decided to not taking engineering after spm..coz at that time i try to picture myself learning the possible subjects and i cried..i dont think that will make me happy..and i picture myself learning and working in lab..and even experience research itself..and i dont think i enjoy it either..finally i picture myself to be in wards, doing some ward works and also experience it even for a short time..and i cried again..not because i dont like it..but because my heart really want it..

 

i even question myself everyday if i dare to study for long period or not..then other part of my heart ask me again - take longer journey and enjoy your job or take short journey but regret your decision later?  

 

and ofcourse i question myself everyday - mampu tak nak hadap pressure everyday and not violence other's happiness? thats the reason jugak me try to figure out the possible pressure in this profession during my internship and try to handle it..even if apa yang me lalui during those time mungkin just a tiny one compared to the pressure yang Drs and other healthcare professionals ever faced..

tipula before nak decide anything tu tak pernah rasa ragu2 walau sikit pun kan..plus as for me, its a very huge decision..bukan benda main2..this thing u will keluarkan lotssss of money..takkan nak take decision sambil lewa je kan..

before finally decided, setiap hari tanya umiabah - restu tak keputusan achik?redha tak?

- sebab on top of everything, redha my parents is everything above everything..i am nothing without them..looks like kecik je kan..but not for me :) if dorang tak redha, umpama naik kereta tanpa tayar..tak sampai destinasi nanti..and umiabah everyday akan jawab jugak my questions with the same answer sebab soalan sama :')

 

and that's how i finally decided to be in this path..

 

to choose this path based on certain2 reason, i dont think it will make me reaching my goal..

choose sebab money?

- i don't think this profession will make you rich enough kalau duit yang dikejar..

choose sebab nak tolong orang?

- how do you define 'tolong orang'? and till which level?

choose sebab title?

- kalau sebab nak title je ambik phD pun boleh dapat title Dr jugak..

choose sebab to gain respect?

- tak semestinya jadi Dr you will be respected at the highest level..me tengok the scenario during my internship pun for me this field will not jamin you will not be knocked down..

 

choose sebab nanti senang nak attend bila family sendiri sakit?

- you will never can be sure that you are the first person to be there bila your own family is the one yang need medical attention..bahkan even if you are there pun you aren't allowed to attend your own family.. 

choose wisely :) letak Dia nombor satu..insyaAllah dipermudahkan urusan untuk decide :)

but still, lain orang lain cara and opinion dia..so, you do you..to ask opinion from orang lain is okay..but in the end yang penting tanya diri sendiri..will you be happy with your decision? will your future self thank ur current self for your decision? tepuk dada, istikharah..tanya hati, tanya Dia :) jangan lupa tanya parents juga :*

p/s : to be in this path, i think if you still lagi 50-50, dont take it..take the other option..coz this path is not only for those yang genius or pandai..its for those who has passion..memang la if pandai masuk course mana2 pun boleh hidup boleh lepas..but in the end u will violence your happiness and others' too..as by choosing this path, i think you already ready to put others ahead of yourself :)

**for me no profession worth to study for few years if you not solidly happy with the course/work..choose a field that make you happy to be in it..no matter in which condition..that's why you need istikharah, you need deep 'me time' before making any decision..

**may whoever yang still thinking dipermudahkan semua urusan :)

**moga my solid decision after years of thinking make me a good and safe Dr for ummah in the future..insyaAllah..

**and i always pray that this spirit will last forever..may all the difficulties ahead only make me a tougher, better one than me yesterday..

“Katakanlah: Sesungguhnya solatku, ibadahku, hidup dan matiku hanyalah untuk Allah, Tuhan semesta alam.” (Al-An’am : 162)

xoxo,

yanie